Jimmy Kimmel Processes the New Hampshire Primary

Kimmel said Republicans had a choice between "the woman who will be their party's first female candidate for president or the first guy in a sex-defamation lawsuit."

Huge in New Hampshire

The New Hampshire Republican primary took place on Tuesday, starting in the town of Dixville Notch, as is tradition.
Jimmy Kimmel said voters had a stark choice between "the woman who will be their party's first female candidate for president or the first guy in a sexual assault defamation lawsuit."

"Spoiler alert: Haley swept the Dixville Notch primary, winning all six votes. Yeah, now, six votes might not sound like a lot, unless you're Ron DeSantis. - Stephen Colbert

"Today was New Hampshire's primary. And then tomorrow, diners can go back to eating their food in peace. - Seth Meyers

"The New Hampshire primary is over, which means candidates can stop pretending they want to be in New Hampshire in January." - Jimmy Fallon

"It's been a stressful day for former President Trump. He spent all day wondering if he won New Hampshire or if the vote was rigged. - Jimmy Fallon

"That's right, Trump spent the day waiting for a decision, even though he's spent the last year and a half waiting for a decision. He's used to it." - Jimmy Fallon

"Haley had a unique advantage in New Hampshire because, like the state, her initials 'N.H.' are, who will stand for 'not happening' after tonight." - Jimmy Kimmel

The Punchiest Punchlines (Impossible Edition)

"In a new interview, presidential candidate Nikki Haley questions former President Trump's mental health, saying she thinks he's 'declining,' while Trump believes Nikki Haley is 'law and order related.' It's a female owner." - Seth Meyers

"You two need to sit next to each other, live television - not so close that it betrays you, but close enough to each other. We'll put a divider between you so they can see over your clothes. Don't get the nugget fat, and let's find out whose brain works better. We'll call it 'cognitive impossibility'." - Jimmy Kimmel

"This will be the television event of the year. [imitating the host] 'First question, Mr. Trump — define the word 'qualification.'

"I bet he couldn't pass a quiz on a mat at Danny's place." — Jimmy Kimmel

Bits worth watching

Jimmy Fallon found his guest Kevin James stuck in his viral meme pose on Tuesday's "Tonight Show."

Wednesday night that we're excited about.

"Succession" star Jay Smith-Cameron will sit down with Seth Meyers on Wednesday's "Late Night."